The parent’s role and tasks
Without parents who take their children to try various sports, we would have almost no initiation in sport. Parents are not relevant just for the initial involvement, but also for the long-term participation in sport. 1 The tasks of child athletes parents are similar to other parents’ tasks: (1) they have to learn to manage and support the needs of their child-athletes, (2) manage their own needs and well being as parents, and (3) manage the interactions with the sport environment. 2 In earlier research, the oversimplistic categorization of parental under involvement (doing too little) and parental overinvolvement (doing too much) did not bring us a greater understanding of what optimal parental involvement would look like. 3
So, how would we define it?
Optimal parental involvement is defined as a type of involvement that enhances children’s enjoyment, as well as their performance. 4
Have you ever thought that children’s enjoyment in their sport is as relevant as their actual performance?
The unfortunate story
Lots of parents have not. Therefore, 4 out of 10 children want to give up practicing their sport because their parents are too concerned about winning. 5
Do we want children to abandon their sport because of the pressure parents put on? Most probably not.
This article will address behaviours that hinder or facilitate sport involvement along with the children’s enjoyment.
Parental behaviours that hinder children’s involvement in sport
Simply watching your child compete in youth sport can be a stressful experience for parents, therefore it is highly understandable that you are emotionally wrapped up in the competition. 6
Despite your emotional state and your good intentions, you have to remind yourself all throughout the journey that you are not the coach. Consequently, you do not initiate discussions about game strategies, nor yell suggestions during competition; they perceive it as a form of negative criticism, and it induces a lot of confusion and stress in your child’s mind. 7,8
They don’t like when you interfere with training, like coming 30 minutes before the training is finished and telling them what dessert you have prepared, nor when you require too much of the coaches’ time. 3
Children easily detect inconsistencies between the message you are sending and the message between the lines. Even while playing, they are not just hearing what you say, they also detect subtle changes in your nonverbal behaviour. Shouting ‘Go get them, you’re doing great’, will not help them when your tone of voice sounds more like despair. Therefore, they dislike inconsistent behaviors. 4,9
Speak the truth and stick to the facts. So, what are the facts? What did you see in your child’s performance today? A prompt action, an efficient strategy at a tight score? Was it sportsmanship? You have to be specific in your praises, in order to be effective.
Using general encouragements like ‘Good job!/Well done’ has been shown to be a counter-productive form of praise, which further impacts motivation negatively. 10
Parental behaviours that facilitate children’s involvement in sport
The fact that children dislike technical and tactical support from their parents does not mean that they do not need other types of support from them. Children respond positively when parents provide guidance that is ‘common sense’, non-related to the sport (e.g., you should have lunch in 30 minutes), especially when offered privately. 9
Much of the early years in their sport involvement is dependent on the tangible (e.g., driving the child to practice) and informational support (e.g., the time when you have to leave home for practice) offered by the parents. 13
When attending practice or competitions, children prefer an attentive silence approach from their parents. What does that mean more specifically? They want you to pay attention to the action, to sit down quietly and if possible, out of their view, so they will not be distracted. 12
However, during competitions, it is more difficult to just sit down. So, when it comes to cheering, they prefer parents that praise the effort they put in, not just the performance. 11 Effort can sound as a vague concept, so you have to track those effective behaviours and actions that lead to a desired outcome. While encouraging them during a competition, they like if you too show some sportsmanship behaviour and encourage their colleagues or their teammates as well. 11
How much you, as a parent, enjoy going to tournaments will highly impact how much your child enjoys it too. So why not try to make some new friends and socialize when you go there next time? 4
This is not an exhaustive list of behaviours that hinder or facilitate sports involvement. You may identify your own behaviours. Share them with us here!
The Happy Champions philosophy in action:
- Next time you go to watch your child, use specific praises towards their effort and attitudes! (e.g., I loved how much you fought to get the ball in the last minutes of the first half).
- When you want to have a discussion with the coach, plan it either before or after training in order to avoid interfering with training time.
- Act like a parent, not a coach!
We know that not all children are comfortable with requesting specific behaviours from their parents, but some of them have done it publicly: We invite you to listen to A Letter to My Parents here: